A Woman's Way

by Karen Ely

It may be our destiny to play an infinity of roles,

but we are not the roles we are playing.

~ Deepak Chopra

Imagine the possibility that we are more, much more, than our roles as wife, mother, daughter, partner, volunteer, friend, attorney/accountant/beautician/artist/etc.

In truth, we are not the roles we play or the voices we hear in our head.  We are the observer, the essence inside who watches and listens and is truly us.  

How do we find and get in touch with that woman who is really Karen or Linda or Kathy or Sharon or Kathleen?

The answer is quite simple . . . we find enough quiet space to begin listening to the whispers of our own heart . . . that essence that really is US . . . that voice that will always lead us home.

When I began my personal journey 27 years ago, all of this was new to me.  And it might be new to you as well.  I thought the neurotic thoughts (primarily negative) that spiraled endlessly in my mind were me talking to me.  I thought there was no real "me" and that I was simply defined by my roles as daughter, wife, mother, friend, etc. 

And then I woke up, at 40, and began to ask "Is this all there is?"  And that simple, yet profound, thought led me on a journey of self-discovery that continues today.

I've learned many things over the past 27 years that have given me the opportunity to get to know me and allowed me to live (at least most of the time) from an authentic, joyful space.    

And there are several simple, but life changing, practices that will provide that space.  They are fundamental to my daily life and to my sanity.  They have delivered me back to me over and over and over again.  So I know these practices will work for you as well.  

Begin the following practices today by:

• Buying yourself a journal you love and writing to yourself first thing each morning (when you are the most egoless).  It's the most important conversation you can possibly have . . . you talking and you listening. 
• Adding a gratitude practice to your morning journaling.  Find time each morning to list at least 5 things you're grateful for that day . . . some days it'll be a stretch to get to 5, other days you'll breeze past 25.  A gratitude practice is a powerful form of prayer. 
• Finding time each day for quiet.  If you can spend that quiet time in nature at least twice each week, that would be lovely.  Walk around the block, walk through a park, stroll along the water . . . but quietly notice the size and majesty of your world, and the sights, sounds and smells.  Breathe deeply and thankfully. 
• Turning off the TV and reading books that change your prospective, that open your heart and mind, that calm and enliven you.  You can download my recommended reading list by clicking here:  http://www.awomansway.com/subjects/links/links-books.htm.  All of these books sit on my book shelves and have truly changed everything about me and my world. 
• Attending a personal growth/spiritual retreat with like-minded women where you’ll find a safe space and some support and guidance for your journey back to your self.  They can truly be life changing.  You can visit www.awomansway.com to see upcoming retreats I’m offering.     

Imagine how your life might change in wondrous ways if you began a daily practice of being present to yourself . . . Namaste. 

Why I Am Part of Hestia Retreat, by Sylvia Soholt

I thought hard about whether to join the Hestia Board.  I was honored by the invitation but didn’t need to fill empty spaces in my days.  There aren’t any.  But as the owner of Sylvan Sanctuary, a personalized, non-commercial retreat in my home for people who want to finish a creative project, I have observed first-hand how important it is for people to escape long enough from the demands of their daily lives to reawaken or ignite their enthusiasm for implementing an original idea. 

When I learned that there are very few residential retreats solely for women in the country I was intrigued.  The marketing corner of my brain whispered: A niche!  I decided to extend my vision for the future benefit of what could be a much larger audience and joined the board to help figure out how to realize their vision.

I’ve enjoyed learning how others describe the Hestia Retreat of the future—what the physical site might look like, what natural, artistic, and comfort-inducing features it would have, how many women could be present at one time, and what kinds of programs would be offered. 

These ideas have been realized on a smaller scale many times over the past year.  Through Hestia’s Hearth Circles, small groups of women have come together to learn, for example, how to carve out time from busy lives for a personal retreat, how to include visualization in meditative processes, and how their visions for their own lives can be accomplished.  By making time for their growth, and prioritizing peacefulness and centering, they have embodied what we want to have happen for women on Vashon, in Washington, throughout the country and our world.

If you have expertise in facilitating learning experiences that occur in short periods of time, contact us!  You can help us grow the idea of Hestia, writ large or small.  

It’s A Win-Win: Why My Partner’s Retreats Are Good for Me, by Steven Smith

I am contributing to this monthly newsletter as I think it is important to know of the benefits that everyone connected to a retreat participant can enjoy. 

Valerie, one of Hestia Retreat’s co-founders, has participated in many retreats since I have been in her life. They have included everything from a three hour retreat to a five day retreat. She always returns with a different understanding of her place in the world and usually has some clarity concerning issues with which she is struggling to come to terms.  At moments, I have observed a child-like joy for life because she is open to what is possible as result of her retreat time. 

Most importantly, I believe it brings her back to the present, where she can better engage in the moment with sense of groundedness and clarity of mind. We have had some of our most intimate conversations and some of our closest feelings of connection after her retreats.  I love to hear of the things she has learned. We often can apply this new found knowledge to our relationship. 

The shared experience with other woman brought her many new and close friendships. The bonds that are formed during these retreats bring Valerie such joy. 

We have also participated in a three day retreat together. The shared experience is so life affirming. We get to experience personal and relational growth at the same time. It's a very spiritual experience. 

Yes, I miss spending time with her while she is on or in retreat, I know that her happiness and our relationship will benefit from our time apart. We have both learned from our own life experiences that when we take care of ourselves and work on being a whole person, we can enjoy life fully. 

I am envious of the Hestia participants as they have such a great resource available in the monthly retreats and Wellness days. I wish that there was something similar for the men of Vashon as well.

Hestia Event Spotlight by Nancy Eister

I have traveled in the symbolic world of dreams, journeyed to the four directions in a shamanic body experience, and stepped into a map of seeds, leaves, fruit, and roots to find my place in my life.  And yet, I never went more than two miles away from my home on Vashon Island! I’ve been a fortunate participant in three events offered through Hestia Retreat.

This year’s Women’s Day of Wellness in particular featured short workshops with many notable and inspired women teachers. It was a tantalizing taste of what can be possible at a fully embodied retreat center: singing, stillness, movement, energy work, Ayurveda, envisioning – what a feast!  (Speaking of feasts, the food at Hestia events is always delectable, well-chosen, just right.)

The real feast is in letting down my boundaries, enjoying, and allowing trust to grow in a circle of strangers.  There is a common bond, an innate wisdom that emerges when women gather intentionally. I have such deep regard and appreciation for everyone who has shared their stories with me or listened to mine. I have had so many rewarding experiences encircled by likeminded women. I have really grown through that.

Like so many other women, I am at a transition point in my life – in my case from fulltime, hands-on mom to empty nester. My old dreams and goals are slowly bubbling up to the surface from buried depths, and I also have new dreams, new goals. The Hearth Circles I’ve been in have all opened some new potential to me, given me tools and language for where I want to go next.

I really feel that our lives’ meaning is found outside of conventional parameters such as job titles, salaries, and status, and that it takes joyous work and participation to become who we are meant to be, to allow our true self to show her face. Each encounter with a passionate teacher or seeker educates me and enriches my life experience. What seemed at one time like a luxury (attending weekend workshops about knowing myself) now seems such a sound investment! I can see how the changes in my attitude and level of joy ripple outward to affect my family, my friends, my community.

As women, we really need a safe and soothing intentional space, and the fellowship of like-hearted sisters to counteract the constant grind and pressure of outside expectations. So many of our values are shoved aside, invalidated. We need each other. We grow so much stronger and better through collaborating with each other. I believe in the mission of Hestia Retreat, and I am so grateful for its part in my community on Vashon Island.

Appreciation for Hestia Retreat's Monthly Hearth Circles, by Diane Schulstad

"I find great wisdom in a quote from Joseph Campbell: "I don't believe people are looking for the meaning of life as much as they are looking for the experience of being alive."  My key to finding my own “experience of being alive” is to contemplate the myriad facets that make up my life.  The extraordinary and the mundane... the grand revelations and the daily grind... all are a part of my experience of being alive.  Yet if I never take the time to consider the separate threads and notice the individual vivid colors and interweaving that create this glorious tapestry of experience, life may seem to be pure chaos. 

I have attended two of the Hestia Hearth Circles, and each has allowed me to set aside a span of time for that necessary contemplation.   The Hestia Circles are expertly planned to create a safe and sacred space that encourages expansion of thought.  There is a choice of fascinating topics; the ones that I choose allow me to consider those aspects of my life.  Once I have registered, my attention is already focused upon the topic at hand. From the moment one enters a Circle, the Spirit’s response to beauty and sustenance is carefully tended.   In the entryway of the “Waking Into Dream” Circle, a table stood with a bouquet of beautiful flowers, a bowl of ripe, red strawberries and a plate of broken pieces of dark chocolate. Entering the room where the spiritual work/play would take place, cushioned wicker chairs with instructive packets were set in a circle, with symbolic art in the center of the circle.  Everywhere I looked in the room, there was something to awaken my curiosity and my desire to journey into the contemplative life. 

Yet I need not go on this journey alone, and that is what is exceptionally wonderful to me about the Hestia Circles.  The Circles create an intimate and warm community of like-minded women coming together to meditate and then share the wisdom from that period of reflection. I have found sharing to be a profoundly emotional experience: I value the observations of life that each woman in the Circle offers and it is a distinct honor to have my own thoughts heard.   The Circle leaders initiate our sharing with astute insights into the topics at hand and suggestions for thought.   

I am grateful for Hestia Retreat’s grace-filled events, particularly since the leaders are donating their time and considerable efforts to create an affordable experience for those of us that participate.  With my appreciation and applause!"

 ~ Diane Schulstad