Feeding Your Hungers – What Would It Be Like To Be A Well-Fed Woman?

It’s ironic that in the land of plenty so many of us are starving.

As women we know how to nurture.  So we nurture.  We take care of our families, we take care of our homes, we take care of our communities, we take care of our relationships, we take care of the world around us. 

Where we fall short: taking care of our own hungers.  Feeding ourselves in the way we most desire to be fed.  And as a result, even here in the developed world we’re a society of malnourished women who either don’t realize we’re starving, or are actively starving ourselves because we don’t believe our hungers to be worthy of feeding.

Deprivation of this type is as uncomfortable as physical hunger.  There are many flavors of hunger : hunger for intimacy, or beauty, or touch.  Hunger for truth, or connection, or rest.  Freedom.  Solitude.  Creativity.

Denying them seems not only harsh, but illogical.  And yet we routinely deny ourselves the simple pleasure of feeding these essential hungers.  Women, in particular, pretend the hungers away and push on with their lives as if this is what we must do to survive.

I know.  It’s a hard truth to hold. 

What are you hungry for?

Rachel Cole, a life coach and retreat facilitator in the San Francisco Bay Area, has created an entire body of work around asking women, What are you truly hungry for?  It’s a to-the-heart, stop-you-in-your tracks kind of question.  It packs a powerful punch.

Why don’t you take a moment, close your eyes and ask yourself the question.  Go on, we’ll wait. 

What did you come up with?

Chances are you were able to name a few things – maybe you’re hungry for touch, or hungry for accomplishment, or hungry for nature, or hungry for intimacy.  Then you may have gone immediately into the But’s … but I don’t have time, but I can’t afford it, but there’s no one in my romantic life, but I don’t have a job.  And once you start down that road you quickly lose enthusiasm for your hunger, burying it under a heavy pile of obstacles, both real and imagined.

So you sigh and deny the hunger.

And you press on as if it doesn’t exist.

This sets you up for the starvation mentioned above.  Whether you acknowledge it or not, your hunger exists.  It’s patient, and unobtrusive, and doesn’t much care how it gets fed.  It lives quietly, waiting for a spotlight to be shined upon it.  But your ignoring the hunger translates into a kind of survival normally reserved for people who are in extreme situations.  And you’re not starving; you’re merely inexperienced in feeding your hungers.  What would it be like to be well-fed?  And what would it be like to live in a society of well-fed women?

Let’s join the revolution that Rachel has begun. 

To get you started, here are some tips on feeding your hungers:

Adopt an attitude of curiosity and self-kindness.  
Go looking for what’s lurking beneath the surface, excited about finding it.  Rather than assuming you know what you’re seeking because of the circumstances you’re currently living, be open to discovering your hungers as if you’re meeting them for the first time.  Because, in fact, you are.  Your hungers aren’t fixed.

Acknowledge what you’re hungry for, without needing to do anything about feeding yourself.  
This step is crucial.  Name your hungers, and simply allow them to be present.  List them on paper, say them out loud, make them real.  Stay with the simple acknowledgment that they exist, even when you feel the stirrings of But … or the thoughts that begin with I can’t…

Brainstorm possibilities.  
How might I go about feeding this hunger?  What would satiation feel like?  Who or what is available to help me?  What do I already know about this, that I may have forgotten I know? 

Start with a teeny tiny step.  
It may seem overwhelming, taking on the feeding of a yawning need you’ve just identified.  Don’t let this paralyze you.  Instead, come up with an action you could take toward feeding the hunger, and make it half as large.  Then make it even smaller.  Find the smallest act you can commit to today, and do it.  Then find another one tomorrow.  Feed yourself in tiny increments, noticing what’s happening along the way.

Change your mindset.
Adopt a practice of regularly asking Rachel’s wonderful question, and be diligent about paying attention to the hungers that show themselves.  Feed them.  Commit to living a well-fed life, rather than a life of deprivation.

:::

This blog post was written by Amy Kessel, who has been profoundly moved by attending several Well-Fed Woman workshops with Rachel Cole.  To learn more about Rachel and her work, please visit her website.



    

Retreating – Guest Post by Karen Ely of A Woman’s Way

I have learned that if one advances confidently 
in the direction 
of his dreams, and endeavors to live 
the life he has imagined, 
he will meet with 
a success unexpected in common hours.  


~ Henry David Thoreau

    

Retreating is fundamental to a healthy, vibrant life.  It is only by taking the time to step back from your day-in and day-out busyness—in a safe, quiet, nourishing space—that you can hear the whispers of your own voice.  And only by hearing that voice can you find the clarity needed to take the journey back to yourself. 

Retreats are truly a calling.  But it takes time (and quiet) to hear the call.  You think, “I’m overwhelmed, confused, sad and anxious and I need to get away but right now I have no money or time (which, of course is why I am so overwhelmed) so I’ll do it later.”  You feel a bit better for a while and think, “Wow, I’m really doing okay.  What was I thinking?”  And then the anxiety builds again, “I’m overwhelmed and confused . . . “

And then one day you know what you have to do and you do it.  You turn on the computer, pick up the phone and make plans to take yourself on retreat.  Because it is your calling and you now realize that it is your path to a more peaceful, vibrant life. 

There are many ways to retreat and each offers its own rewards.  Some are facilitated, some are planned by you; some are for the weekend, some for a week, a month or more; some are silent and some are movement oriented, some are free, some can be costly.  But they all have their place.  The important thing is that you begin to find ways to retreat at least once each year.  They offer life-changing opportunities.

The following is taken from my first memoir, Daring to Dream:  Reflections on the Year I Found Myself.  I had just left my 32-year marriage and was retreating in the guest room of a friend’s home.  

“The early summer mornings are my favorite part of living in the Colorado Mountains. The spectacular light shining through the leaves, the tall grasses and wildflowers shifting side-to-side in the soft breeze. And the smell. How can I describe the smell? So fresh, so earthy, with soft wafts of pine-scents and the incredible deep blue sky framed behind the regal pines. And a horizon stretching to the end of my dreams. A couple of noisy jays, an occasional jet overhead and afternoon thunderboomers are all that break the tranquility. Otherwise, there is only quiet.

Standing behind the house, in tall grass wet with the morning dew, I’m practicing T’ai Chi when, looking up, I’m startled to see two bull elk eyeing me warily. I am still, hoping not to startle them and wanting to etch this special moment forever in my memory. I so love the beauty of this place.

Reading, writing and the quiet of this sanctuary are slowly giving me back to me, one step at a time.  I feel a sense of destiny, even though I don’t know, or really care where it takes me. I am keenly aware that the journey is becoming my destination, and I surprise myself with that thought.”

I spent a year in that home.  It was a painful transition, full of love and sadness and confusion, but I am deeply grateful that I took this road less traveled . . . because it changed everything. 

Retreating can take many forms, each offering their own rewards.  The following are some options to think about:   

• Personal retreats:  Like my experience described above, a personal retreat away from everything—whether for a weekend, a week or several weeks—offers the opportunity to get enough distance from your life to find some clarity and direction.  You can either do these alone, or organize a retreat with a friend or several friends.  I think it’s vital, however, to have a plan so you don’t waste an experience this precious. 
  
  There are many books that will help you plan and execute a retreat:  A Retreat of My Own written by me is a small book, perfect for sticking in your purse to take to the beach for an afternoon, or for a long weekend in a cabin, or several weeks at a retreat center or monastery.  You can do your retreat in stages (3 hours each week for several weeks) or all at one time.  It provides information on preparation, insightful exercises, and how to move forward after you complete your retreat.  Jennifer Louden’s The Woman’s Retreat Book is a fabulous resource by an amazing woman with much to share.    


• Facilitated Retreats:  Facilitated retreats offer you the chance to truly step away from your life—with everything planned for you.  In the hands of an experienced facilitator, in the company of other like-minded women, they offer an intense opportunity for self-change.  Obviously, I offer these and they are also offered by many experienced facilitators.  They are offered for a day, a weekend, a week or longer.  


• Hybrid Retreats:  These can offer a combination of a facilitated retreat (maybe for a weekend) with an add-on of a several day personal retreat, which can offer the perfect combination of an intense facilitated experience with time for personal reflection.

Do some research and see which one of these might work for you.  But begin making plans now to retreat sometime in the coming year.  You won’t be sorry.

Warmest wishes for creating retreat time for yourself,
Karen

:::

Karen Ely is the founder and director of A Woman’s Way, a women’s spiritual retreat program.  A Woman’s Way was created in 2003 to provide the space, support, tools and guidance necessary for women to create lives of meaning and futures steeped in passion and joy.  Karen’s retreats and programs have been led by some of the finest facilitators in the country and have been attended by women from around the world.
    

5 Self-Healing Tips From Ayurveda

Once Hestia Retreat has a permanent home on Vashon Island, programs and retreats from a wide variety of healing modalities will be available to all those who visit the Retreat Center. Ayurveda, the 5,000 year old system of natural healing that has its roots in India, is one such modality.

Luckily for Vashon, Ronly Blau is an Islander who is a seasoned Certified Ayurvedic Practitioner offering 1:1 consultations, yoga instruction and ayurvedic bodywork.  Her style is friendly and informal, yet she has an enormous amount of knowledge that she shares freely.  Her clients appreciate her guidance and her “remarkable ability to make Ayurveda accessible without being preachy”.

We’re so grateful to Ronly for these tips on how to benefit from the wisdom of Ayurveda at home.  Read on to learn more about the simple power of self-healing.

_____________

5 Self-Healing Tips From Ayurveda

Ayurveda is an ancient nature-based healing modality originating from India. The word “ayurveda” literally means life truth. I take this to heart. At its deepest core, it is a profound method for healing so that we can live in our truth. These simple 5 daily healing rituals from ayurveda, are not more things to add to our “to do” lists. Rather, they offer us a different, more balanced way of doing the things we already do.

My suggestion is to read them over, see which one or ones resonate with you the most and try integrating them into your life one at a time. In this way, it is not overwhelming. You are able to see for yourself the impact of changing just one daily ritual. Once you experience some positive results, you will be motivated to add another. This is how Ayurveda works best, one step at a time, transforming your life through awareness and wisdom.

1) Warm lemon water in the morning:

Instead of reaching for that caffeine first thing in the morning, try a warm cup of water with a squeeze of lemon to rehydrate and awaken the senses and digestion. (Coffee is a topic all in itself, but suffice it to say, if you drink caffeine, it is better to have it with or at the end of your meal because of its acidic quality and negative effects on the gastrointestinal tract.) The protective stomach lining needs water to maintain its integrity and if there is not enough, the body will not make the appropriate amount of digestive acids, anticipating that the body is not properly protected. The warm water also serves to stimulate peristalsis and morning evacuation. The lemon acts as a cleaner on the digestive tract loosening up toxins and undigested food matter(ama). In addition the sour taste increases salivary secretions, stimulates appetite and enhances secretion of digestive enzymes. Try it. It feels clean!

2) Abhyanga (self oil massage):

You probably already use some type of lotion/moisturizer after you bathe. However, when you replace this habit with a high quality oil, you not only keep the skin supple and moist, but coat the nerves that lie just below the skins surface. Nerve cells need good fat to stay healthy and this ritual will help stabilize and calm the nervous system.  In addition, you avoid the many added chemicals, stabilizers, fragrances in most lotions that block the channels of the body. Purchase a high quality oil that you prefer such as: sesame, almond, sunflower, or coconut. Feel free to add your favorite pure essential oils so it smells exquisite. Before your shower or bath, coat the whole body with the oil, using long strokes over muscles and circular motions around joints. When looking down at your body, make clockwise circles around your belly and chest. In addition,you can add a light coat of oil after the shower before you dress. It is a great way to nurture self-love.

3) Eat your biggest meal at lunchtime:

Ayurveda recognizes that we are intimately intertwined with Nature and therefore subject to the influences of circadian rhythms that effect all of life on earth. Just as the sun is strongest midday, so is our own internal sun-digestion. Our strongest digestive capacity is midday and therefore we can handle more of our nutrition needs between the hours of 10am and  2pm. In addition, eating a satisfying and nourishing lunch will give us energy that lasts throughout the afternoon without needing that sugar or caffeine pick-me-up. We will also be less hungry for dinner, making it easier to eat a lighter supper, (think of “supper” coming from the word, supplemental) enabling us to go to bed without overburdening the digestive tract. This simple change can often have big results, including helping us shed any excess weight.

4) Go to bed early:

According to Ayurveda we have natural rhythms associated with the elements. From 6pm-10pm the earth and water elements (kapha) accumulate in the body giving us the feeling of being grounded, heavy and stable. These qualities are conducive to sleep and therefore if we can get to bed by 10pm we can ride that peak accumulation of kapha into a nice restful sleep. However, if we stay up past this time, the pitta or fire principle kicks in giving us that “second wind” revving up the mind and body, making it more difficult to get to sleep. In addition, the liver has been shown to be more active in its detoxification role between 10pm and 2am. If you are still up it cannot work as efficiently. It needs to be freed up to do its job well. If you are a night owl, move gradually towards this bed time. As you know, a good nights sleep changes everything.

5) A daily mindful task:

I like saving the best for last and this is definitely my current favorite!  For most of us, it is hard to find the time, space and quiet to take on a daily meditation practice. This, however, is a practice that needs no extra time, special alter, or TV sitter for the kids. In this practice you choose one task that you do everyday and you just do that task. I know, sounds too simple doesn’t it? But it really is that simple. It means not planning, worrying about the future, spacing out in fantasy or listening to NPR, while you hurry through the task. I chose a particularly stressful time in my day, the morning hustle of getting kids off to school which entails: making breakfast, kids’ lunches, chicken/dog care, and the occasional morning melt down, all in a 40 minute window. In the beginning, I recommend choosing something simple such as feeding the dog, putting away the clean dishes, folding laundry or walking to get the mail.

What I remind myself is, awareness is always here. It is not difficult to notice what you are doing while you are doing it...the feel of the knife moving through apples, the smell of eggs in the frying pan, the cold air on my face as I let the dog out. It is just a practice of noticing with interest. What IS difficult is remembering to do this. However, what I have found is that by keeping this mindful practice to one consistent task, it is reseeding itself. Another words, I have become conditioned to being mindful through this morning ritual. There have been times when I forgot and started making sandwiches in a frenzy and then upon noticing, immediately dropped into awareness. The mindfulness has even blurred over into other times I am preparing food as a new habit. But what really keeps me motivated in this practice is that I am much more centered and present with my kids through the busy morning, which actually no longer seems chaotic to me. wow!

Learn more about Ronly and Ayurveda at www.meadowheartayurveda.com.

How to Honor the Mother Within for All Women with Anne Pillsbury

Mother’s Day.  The absurdity of taking one day per year to appreciate the notion of motherhood notwithstanding, it’s an opportunity to consider the impact of mothering in your world and in the world in general. 

At Hestia we hold a special reverence for moms that’s not reserved for those who have children.  We see every woman as part of the legion of caregivers, nurturers, peace-spreaders, inspirers, teachers, examples, stewards and lovers of humanity that enables our species to thrive and our planet to survive.  We’re here to celebrate you for what you do, and to remind you that we have your back.

In honor of the traditional Mother’s Day holiday celebrated here in the United States, we asked an incredible woman who happens to be the mother of four to answer a few questions about mothering.  Anne Pillsbury is in awe of moms to the extent that she created a business solely to serve them.  She’s a coach, speaker and facilitator who knows a thing or two about navigating overwhelm and practicing resilience in service to pursuing your dreams, and helps other moms do the same.

Thank you, Anne, for the work you do!

________

Anne, what does being a mother mean to you?

I come from a legacy of powerful mothers who dedicated themselves to raising their families and creating, beautiful, loving homes for gathering family together.  I always admired them and the only thing I was sure of growing up was that I wanted to be a mom.  I have been incredibly blessed.  Like my mother and my grandmothers, I have four beautiful, healthy, children, but my life looks very different then the women who came before me. My greatest wish for my children is that they are strong and confident.  What I didn’t understand is that your children can’t have what you don’t and confidence was always a challenge for me. 

I had so many messages of who I was “supposed” to be and a straitjacket of perfectionism that kept me from exploring options.  My journey in motherhood has been about letting go of all that I “expected” life to look like, and re-inventing it according to my values.  Courage.  Compassion.  Connection.  This is what I want for my children.  Each day I wake up and ask myself “How I can I model these values for my children?”  It is this question that inspires me to dare tp dream, to push my boundaries, to create a life fueled by my desires.  Life has gotten pretty exciting around here!

What does "mothering ourselves" look like?

Mothers are infinitely loving, compassionate and supportive to everyone but themselves.  It breaks my heart again and again when I see moms questioning themselves, beating themselves up, criticizing their looks or their mothering.  It is a particularly sensitive area for me because I struggle with this mightily.  My inner-critic has been a brutal partner for most of my life.    What I learned, however, is that the warm, kind mother I am is not reserved only for my children. I can access her as well.

How do you access your “inner-mother”?

It begins with simply being aware that she is available to you and then calling her in when needed.  Awhile back I was on a retreat doing some spontaneous dancing and I kept finding myself rocking back and forth, hugging myself.  I realized I wanted comfort.  My inner mother was nurturing me like I had nurtured all my babies, and she knew exactly what I needed at that moment.  This was a profound realization for me and now that we’ve been introduced, I call upon her.  Sometimes I catch myself driving myself so hard that all of a sudden in the middle of Target I am tearing up for no apparent reason.  I will pause and ask myself.  “What’s going on?”  I hear an inner voice compassionately saying, “Oh Honey, you are running too hard, you are depleted.  Get out for a walk, take a nap whatever it takes, but STOP running.”  I’ve learned to listen.

Where can we look for guidance on honoring the mother within?

Our mother within is dying to tell us how she’d like to be honored, but we need to give her a moment to speak.  Take five minutes today to ask her.  I know your life is full and things are crazy.  When are you going to get 5 minutes?  You won’t. Take them.  My best alone time happens to be in the car.  Before you dash into the grocery, or when you get home from work, turn off the engine and sit quietly.  Take five slow deep breaths.  Feel into your body, let tensions and thoughts go and ask, “How can I best honor myself today?”  Capture whatever immediately comes to the top of your head uncensored.


Anne Pillsbury is a change catalyst for moms who are ready for their next chapter, even if they don't know exactly what that looks like. A mother of four, Anne launched her career as a coach and marketing communications specialist after thirteen years of being a full-time mom. Come visit her online home annepillsburycoaching.com and get her Emergency Resilience Cheat sheet -7 tips to help you keep your momentum when life has gone sideways.

Mother’s Day Musings for You, From Hestia

We at Hestia celebrate women every single day.  We celebrate women of all types, grateful for the kaleidoscope we create and the impact we have on the world around us.  

Mother’s Day is an opportunity for us to express our reverence to women who mother -- whether they mother children, movements, or the Earth.  We salute all of you.

You.  And you.  And you.  Happy Mother’s Day to you.

Hestia has formed an allegiance with another organization devoted to our kaleidoscope, called Emerging Women, that aims to change the world through feminine leadership.  Emerging Women produces live events for women that are truly life-changing, and will be hosting an evening in Seattle on Thursday, June 5.  Please save the date for this; we’ll be back with details soon.

Meantime, Chantal Pierrat, the founder of the organization, has written a Mother’s Day blog post we want to share with you today.  It’s a compilation of women who “rock the world” in their expression of mothering.  While there are plenty of biological and adoptive moms in the mix, we appreciate Chantal’s inclusion of women who “channel the mother archetype in order to uplift those in need”.

"Mothers not only physically create us, they shape our ideas of the potential and possibilities available to us as we grow into our true selves. From creator to protector, healer to warrior, different representations of motherhood in our lives can serve to empower all of us during periods of emergence.”

Click here to read the full post.

We’d love to hear your thoughts and intentions this Mother’s Day.  What qualities of motherhood do you want to bring forward in your own life right now?  Please add your comments below.

With great appreciation for the mothering you do,

The Team at Hestia Retreat

How to Re-Enter Your Life After Retreat

It probably took some doing to make your retreat happen. 

If you’re like most of us, taking a retreat wasn’t as simple as booking time on your calendar and finding a room to stay in.  You likely had to wrangle with the snarky inner voice telling you that retreats are luxuries or that you’re being selfish.  Then you had to rationalize spending time and money on yourself – this runs counter to your genetic programming and your learned behavior.

Brava, dear one.  Good on you for making your retreat happen.  It was a challenge, and you did it. 

You researched, you planned, you created.  If you went to a retreat center perhaps you budgeted and saved for months.  If yours was a homegrown retreat, you set up circumstances to step out of the ordinary and into intentional space for whatever length of time was do-able and desired.

Your retreat was what you needed to recharge; you reset your thermostat.  You rested, you shook up your routine, you got perspective by turning inward.  At the end of it you find yourself relaxed and renewed. 

So now what?  How do you head back “out there” once your retreat is over?

The return from what you experience on retreat can be disorienting and upsetting if not carefully navigated.  Take time to plan not only your entry but also your departure from retreats of all types, formal and informal.

Here are some tips on transitioning back to your life once you’re ready to leave the cocoon of your retreat.

 

Close the door behind you

Consciously end your retreat; having a hard stop enables you to step away from the temporary container you created for yourself.  The phrase “what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas” might apply here … think about what you may not want to share with others, so as to preserve its integrity.  Your time on retreat was sacred; honor it.

Declare to yourself that the retreat is over, and mark it in some way.  You may want to speak it out loud, take a specific physical action or create an image in your journal that evokes closure.  Leave when you have truly closed the door, metaphorically speaking.

Inhabit the buffer zone

Jennifer Louden, in her Women’s Retreat Book, talks about “liminal space”, which is the not-quite-in and not-quite-out phase we walk through on our way back home from retreat.  Consciously inhabit this container as you conclude your experience and begin the process of coming back to ordinary life.  Allow yourself to be somewhere between the ritualized nature of your retreat, and the habitual busyness of your existence.  Do this by moving slowly, gently guiding yourself with encouraging words, and resisting the temptation to drop back into habits like checking email/phone or multitasking. 

Stay present with what’s happening in the buffer zone until you feel strong enough to step back into your world.

 

Small sips

Once you’re back in the saddle, keep your retreat alive by returning to what you discovered there.  Take regular breaks that include an invitation to drop into the spaciousness you experienced, and recall any insight or “aha’s” that surfaced while you were there.  The effects of your retreat are both immediate and gradual; be open to receiving what will show itself to you slowly over time as a result of the experience you created for yourself. 

Building regular retreats into your life is a beautiful way of honoring yourself and deepening your self-knowledge.   With each successive experience you allow yourself, you’ll better understand how to integrate the simple and profound practice of retreat. 

What is your experience with returning home after some time on retreat?  How do you ease the transition?  How do you continue to reap the benefits of retreat once you’re back to your usual schedule and lifestyle?

Women's Day of Wellness

The recent Women’s Day of Wellness was incredible for the large group of women who were there.   

Here’s a taste of what went on.

Hestia co-founders Mela and Valerie held a supportive and nurturing container in place all day long.

Women chose from among many offerings throughout the day.  They found their way, gently guided through meditation

and partner massage

and thought-provoking, heart-opening discussion.

They laughed, they connected, they turned inward.  They did art, they journaled, they danced, they received body treatments. They found the medicine they were needing.

The April skies were clear and the temps warm enough to beckon us outside, to bask and sit quietly.  Many took the invitation seriously.

A day dedicated to wellness for women is not nearly enough … AND it’s clearly a wonderful start. 

Events such as this would not be possible but for the many hands and hearts coming together to create, design and support the container that held this exquisite beauty.  We're grateful for the contributions of so many who stepped up and joined in.

We're especially grateful for our generous sponsors, Shanti, An Aveda Salon & Day Spa, Vashon PRAHM, The Vashon Women's Health Center, and The Puget Sound Credit Union, who made the Women's Day of Wellness possible.  Thank you, thank you, thank you!