Mother’s Day Musings for You, From Hestia

We at Hestia celebrate women every single day.  We celebrate women of all types, grateful for the kaleidoscope we create and the impact we have on the world around us.  

Mother’s Day is an opportunity for us to express our reverence to women who mother -- whether they mother children, movements, or the Earth.  We salute all of you.

You.  And you.  And you.  Happy Mother’s Day to you.

Hestia has formed an allegiance with another organization devoted to our kaleidoscope, called Emerging Women, that aims to change the world through feminine leadership.  Emerging Women produces live events for women that are truly life-changing, and will be hosting an evening in Seattle on Thursday, June 5.  Please save the date for this; we’ll be back with details soon.

Meantime, Chantal Pierrat, the founder of the organization, has written a Mother’s Day blog post we want to share with you today.  It’s a compilation of women who “rock the world” in their expression of mothering.  While there are plenty of biological and adoptive moms in the mix, we appreciate Chantal’s inclusion of women who “channel the mother archetype in order to uplift those in need”.

"Mothers not only physically create us, they shape our ideas of the potential and possibilities available to us as we grow into our true selves. From creator to protector, healer to warrior, different representations of motherhood in our lives can serve to empower all of us during periods of emergence.”

Click here to read the full post.

We’d love to hear your thoughts and intentions this Mother’s Day.  What qualities of motherhood do you want to bring forward in your own life right now?  Please add your comments below.

With great appreciation for the mothering you do,

The Team at Hestia Retreat

How to Re-Enter Your Life After Retreat

It probably took some doing to make your retreat happen. 

If you’re like most of us, taking a retreat wasn’t as simple as booking time on your calendar and finding a room to stay in.  You likely had to wrangle with the snarky inner voice telling you that retreats are luxuries or that you’re being selfish.  Then you had to rationalize spending time and money on yourself – this runs counter to your genetic programming and your learned behavior.

Brava, dear one.  Good on you for making your retreat happen.  It was a challenge, and you did it. 

You researched, you planned, you created.  If you went to a retreat center perhaps you budgeted and saved for months.  If yours was a homegrown retreat, you set up circumstances to step out of the ordinary and into intentional space for whatever length of time was do-able and desired.

Your retreat was what you needed to recharge; you reset your thermostat.  You rested, you shook up your routine, you got perspective by turning inward.  At the end of it you find yourself relaxed and renewed. 

So now what?  How do you head back “out there” once your retreat is over?

The return from what you experience on retreat can be disorienting and upsetting if not carefully navigated.  Take time to plan not only your entry but also your departure from retreats of all types, formal and informal.

Here are some tips on transitioning back to your life once you’re ready to leave the cocoon of your retreat.

 

Close the door behind you

Consciously end your retreat; having a hard stop enables you to step away from the temporary container you created for yourself.  The phrase “what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas” might apply here … think about what you may not want to share with others, so as to preserve its integrity.  Your time on retreat was sacred; honor it.

Declare to yourself that the retreat is over, and mark it in some way.  You may want to speak it out loud, take a specific physical action or create an image in your journal that evokes closure.  Leave when you have truly closed the door, metaphorically speaking.

Inhabit the buffer zone

Jennifer Louden, in her Women’s Retreat Book, talks about “liminal space”, which is the not-quite-in and not-quite-out phase we walk through on our way back home from retreat.  Consciously inhabit this container as you conclude your experience and begin the process of coming back to ordinary life.  Allow yourself to be somewhere between the ritualized nature of your retreat, and the habitual busyness of your existence.  Do this by moving slowly, gently guiding yourself with encouraging words, and resisting the temptation to drop back into habits like checking email/phone or multitasking. 

Stay present with what’s happening in the buffer zone until you feel strong enough to step back into your world.

 

Small sips

Once you’re back in the saddle, keep your retreat alive by returning to what you discovered there.  Take regular breaks that include an invitation to drop into the spaciousness you experienced, and recall any insight or “aha’s” that surfaced while you were there.  The effects of your retreat are both immediate and gradual; be open to receiving what will show itself to you slowly over time as a result of the experience you created for yourself. 

Building regular retreats into your life is a beautiful way of honoring yourself and deepening your self-knowledge.   With each successive experience you allow yourself, you’ll better understand how to integrate the simple and profound practice of retreat. 

What is your experience with returning home after some time on retreat?  How do you ease the transition?  How do you continue to reap the benefits of retreat once you’re back to your usual schedule and lifestyle?

Women's Day of Wellness

The recent Women’s Day of Wellness was incredible for the large group of women who were there.   

Here’s a taste of what went on.

Hestia co-founders Mela and Valerie held a supportive and nurturing container in place all day long.

Women chose from among many offerings throughout the day.  They found their way, gently guided through meditation

and partner massage

and thought-provoking, heart-opening discussion.

They laughed, they connected, they turned inward.  They did art, they journaled, they danced, they received body treatments. They found the medicine they were needing.

The April skies were clear and the temps warm enough to beckon us outside, to bask and sit quietly.  Many took the invitation seriously.

A day dedicated to wellness for women is not nearly enough … AND it’s clearly a wonderful start. 

Events such as this would not be possible but for the many hands and hearts coming together to create, design and support the container that held this exquisite beauty.  We're grateful for the contributions of so many who stepped up and joined in.

We're especially grateful for our generous sponsors, Shanti, An Aveda Salon & Day Spa, Vashon PRAHM, The Vashon Women's Health Center, and The Puget Sound Credit Union, who made the Women's Day of Wellness possible.  Thank you, thank you, thank you! 

Taking Necessary Pause: Talking with Rachelle Mee-Chapman About Soul Care

What do you need to feed your soul? 

Answering a question like this requires a breath, a step back, perhaps a walk in the sunshine.  We may be so far removed from our sense of soul-level satisfaction that our answers take awhile to arrive. 

We may need the power of pause in order to come home to ourselves.

Rachelle Mee-Chapman is a life coach and spiritual director who specializes in soul care.  Soul care is a deeper, richer form of self-care; one that encompasses the spiritual as much as the physical and mental. 

Rachelle knows that retreat is an essential component of soul care, but that retreat comes in many flavors, shapes and sizes.   Creating a retreat, whether for as long as it takes to drink a cup of tea, or for a week, requires honesty about what we’re truly hungry for.  And the pause allows us to choose the doorway we know will lead us to what we desire.

Amy Kessel spoke recently with Rachelle about the barriers to self-care we create for ourselves, and about why we gather as women.  This is timely, as Hestia Retreat prepares for its annual Women’s Day of Wellness on April 26: women in the Puget Sound area will come together on Vashon Island for a full day of soulful self-care, inspiration and connection.

If you’re local, please consider spending the day!  Learn more about the Women’s Day of Wellness here.

Enjoy the conversation.

How to Find Stillness When You Don’t Have Time to Sit Still

Stillness is the spaciousness we experience when we quiet our minds, drop into our centers, and inhabit the present moment.  It’s the opposite of a racing, multi-tasking brain working hard to accomplish tasks, hack solutions to challenges, or negotiate circumstances.

In living a spiritual life, stillness primes the pump for awareness, contemplation, and insight.  Those of us who identify as seekers know that stillness beckons us, even if it doesn’t specifically point to a destination.  It’s the medium for communication among the mind-body-spirit continuum.

And it’s available free of charge at any time of day or night, without making a big fuss.  It’s available whether or not you have designated time or space for it.  It is experienced by non-spiritual types as well as advanced yoga practitioners. 

The ethos of meditation
Meditation evokes images of incense wafting, soft bells chiming, and crossed-legged devotees sitting on cushions in ornate shrines.  It can seem foreign and inaccessible to those who haven’t studied with a meditation teacher.

The whole point of meditation is simple : to quiet the mind and to access what is available in the absence of engaging in our thoughts.  We focus instead on our breath, and in addition to significant relaxation, we drop into stillness. 

Meditation is a practice, and those who are serious about it make time for it every single day.  The benefits are what keep them committed to the practice.  What’s not true is that meditation can only yield results if it is done in a specific and regulated way. 

Non-meditators (of the cross-legged, silent sitting type) have equal access to the delicious reward of mediation; stillness.  It’s all in the ask.

Finding time for stillness
What if you’re not willing to commit to a daily practice of sitting still?  How can you find your way to the spaciousness you crave, especially given the high-speed reality of your life?

Here are ten ways to cultivate stillness within a busy day.  Try one or several, and see what you find:

1. Create a morning routine
The way you start your morning can have a powerful impact on your day.  Rather than jumping out of bed once your alarm goes off, give yourself 10 minutes to bring yourself from sleep to wakefulness.  With your eyes closed, breathe deeply and consciously as you stretch your body.  Harvest any information you want to remember from your dreams.  Sit up in bed, and notice each inhale and exhale for 10 breaths.  Open your eyes when you are ready to start the day.

2. Generate a daily gratitude list
Find time each day to write down 5 things for which you are truly grateful.  They can be tiny or monumental.  Try to be sure you’re not repeating the same things each day.  As you complete the list, read it to yourself and then spend a few moments absorbing your gratitude.

3. Take three breaths
At any point – and hopefully several times – in your day, take a time-out to breathe.  Inhale and exhale to a count of 10, three times.  Notice the tangible physical result of this practice, as well as the quality of mind it invites.  Great opportunities for three breaths: while on hold, in an elevator, driving car pool, after a stressful encounter.

4. Feel your feet
Tap into the wisdom of your body, which is a direct channel to stillness.  Stand up and give yourself over to the experience of feeling your feet on the floor.  Notice the weight of your body on them.  Notice the sensation of contact with the earth, with the floor, with your shoes.  Rock back and forth and notice how well they support you. 

5. Turn off one of your senses
Close your eyes and give yourself over to listening.  What is immediately obvious to you, and what do you hear in the background?  What do you notice, the longer you listen?  Be absorbed completely in the sounds you experience. 

6. Practice mindfulness
As Thich Nhat Han, the Vietnamese Buddhist teacher advises, “only do the dishes”.  Play with ONLY drinking tea, ONLY eating a sandwich, ONLY taking a shower.  When thoughts arise, notice them but don’t follow them, and come back to what you’re doing.  Stay with that one thing.  Notice the details of that one thing that are available when you turn off all other distractions.

7. Allow for inspiration
Read a passage from a spiritual book or poetry collection.  Read slowly, ingesting each word.  Copy it down if it moves you.  After you read, close your eyes and allow the words to settle on you.  Appreciate the space it clears.

8. Create a mantra
Mantras are simple phrases that jar us out of habitual thinking and center us on one particular wish or desire.  Create a short phrase that resonates for you, and say it silently or out loud several times a day.  Close your eyes and allow it to be absorbed.

9. Set an intention
Call in stillness with a clear and directive intention.  What do you want to feel as a result of being still?  Name it and claim it.  Write your intention out, say it out loud, and have reminders of it around you so you can actively invite it to your busy life.

10. Be still for 2 minutes
Even if you don’t sit in silence for 20 minutes, you can still find the solace you seek in dropping everything for a few minutes.  Set a timer, find a comfortable position in a chair or on couch, and simply sit.  Follow your breath, not your thoughts.  When the timer goes off, thank yourself for taking the time and gently transition back to your day.

Do you have suggestions for finding stillness when you don’t have time for a retreat or even a daily home practice?

Please share your ideas below!

Self-Care and the Art of Authenticity

For many women, self-care happens at the edges of our lives : after work, on the weekend, once the kids are in bed, when we’re on vacation.  But many of us work from home, which often means that the workday never really ends.  Our devices keep us connected, and even the most disciplined among us struggles with unplugging from the interwebs and plugging back into ourselves.

Lynn Baldwin-Rhoades is a Seattle entrepreneur who coaches women business owners.  In her words, she helps them “…build purpose-based businesses that feel good, inspire change and sustain them in every way — financially, intellectually, emotionally and spiritually.”

Her background in business and marketing helps her add strategic value to her client’s businesses, but it’s her insistence on authenticity that largely informs her coaching.  As she says:

My whole-person approach arises from a single sweet fact: Who you are in life is who you are at work.



Only by integrating inner strengths, priorities and personality into your business can it serve you — deeply, holistically and for a very long time.   



We recently spoke with Lynn about connection, self-care and business.  Read on for her thoughtful answers to the questions that drive her to walk her talk every single day:

::  


Lynn, you work from home and are online or on the phone much of the time.  How do you restore energy when you feel over-connected with clients and the web?


Great question – being over-connected catalyzes chaos for sure! 



I’m a fan of pre-loading energy … fueling up, so to speak, which I do by spending taking 30 minutes of quiet time every morning. In past years, my alarm meant speed showering and racing to a corporate job, so rare is daybreak when I don’t feel thankful for leisurely coffee time, reflection and chickadees chirping outside.



I try to keep client meetings to three days a week, although to be honest, these calls energize rather than drain me. I totally love helping women do meaningful work and have to bring myself down after sessions rather than re-fuel.



It’s the online interaction that zaps me – that, and feeling Velcroed to my laptop. Social media, endless email, sitting for centuries (in a single day no less) is super tiring.



What helps is working in blocks of time – an hour, usually – and making sure I get up, move my booty, take a walk, get food or whatever. This is simple but big, too. It’s so weird how others’ energy leaches lifeblood right through a computer screen! 


What does self-care look like to you?


Paying attention to my senses. All five of them.



I may be writing a blog post or working on a new online course but I’ve also lit a lemongrass soy candle, put a few daffodils in a small Mason jar, and am drinking water. 



When I stress out, I grab my lavender essential oil and sniff away, sometimes to excess (I swoon for the scent). When my mind edges toward mayhem, I close my laptop and leave the house – if only for a 5-minute walk.  



And I practice meditation in short spurts through out the day. Conscious breathing — even ten breaths — brings me to a more centered and sane space. Meditation is insta-help, and free to boot. Love me a deal!

You write often about vulnerability and authenticity.  What’s the impact of showing up "without your armor" in your life?  What has it necessitated in terms of self-care?


For me, showing up with vulnerability means feeling safe, plain and simple. 


Safe within myself and safe with a few trusted others. Only then can I have the courage to open the hinges of my heart to the wider community, whether through writing, facilitating a women’s circle or speaking to a group.



One of my favorite things to do is to hold space for others — to create a nourishing place of empathy and acceptance. And yes, I mean this in the professional arena, because despite the fact that I help people with business strategy, this creates a foundation of trust. To help others be real, I need to feel safe and centered myself. 


All the self-care practices I’ve established over the last couple of years have helped me find courage to be vulnerable and open to others.




Who are your self-care role models? 


From Pema Chödrön, I learn to extend gentle kindness towards the aspects of myself I’d rather not cop to. She writes, “Having compassion starts and ends with having compassion for all those unwanted parts of ourselves, all those imperfections that we don't even want to look at." 



From Brene Brown, I learn that fear keeps me safe, which keeps me cut off. Opening up to my own fragile and powerful humanity nearly undoes me for how it evokes aching love for others.



Connecting to compassion and this sense of expansion, both are the essence of caring for others.


:::

Now over to you : how do you invite self-care into your work/life balance?  What does being authentic look like for you, and how do you support yourself to consistently show up authentically?

To learn more about Lynn, please check out her website at www.powerchicksinternational.com.

The Staying Power of Self-Care

It’s been a long day.  You’re overtired, undernourished and running late.  You walk into the house and you’re confronted with an unsavory scene: the dishwasher has overflowed, the kids’ clothes and snacks are all over the floor and your neighbor left you a nasty note about the dog.  Again. 

Depending on how full your tank is, you respond in two different ways.

In scenario #1 you started your day with a quiet slice of solitude, did some breathing and yoga, then embarked on the morning calmly and clearly.  You have a practice of taking breaks while you work.  Your daily routine includes regular self-care activities and your calendar is marked with days designated “me”. 

So when you come home tonight, you take a deep breath, register your annoyance and deal with the chaos in your house.

In scenario #2 you were tapped out before you arrived at the door.  Your morning was just like all the mornings before it – a mad dash of packing lunches, feeding animals and managing tasks.  You can’t remember the last time you took a yoga class or sat quietly or read a novel. You were given a gift certificate to the Korean spa, and hope to get there before it expires.  Your weekends are as fully scheduled with family activities as your weeknights are. 

When you see the mess in your home, you explode.  You can’t imagine how you will find the strength to deal with the aftermath.  You want to run away.

Which scenario feels most familiar to you, #1 or #2?

The staying power of self-care.

Self-care is the fuel in your tank that enables you to move from surviving your life, to thriving within it.  Your resilience and your creativity are directly impacted by how well you are cared for in the unique ways only you know.  As you’ve most likely experienced, a well-nourished woman is capable of so much more than one who is depleted.

You know that in order to function you must have adequate sleep, water, food and shelter.  Yet you also have additional self-care needs that nourish and sustain you. You may require solitude or you might crave connection with others.  You might need creativity or you may need learning.  Perhaps you need to tend to your body or maybe tending to your spirit feels more important.

Self-care is at least as important as tending to your family, your work, and your home.  Yet you put yourself last, hoping to “find the time” to turn to yourself when all the rest of it has been done.

The time isn’t out there to be found; it’s your job to claim it.  And if you don’t, no one will give it to you.

Taking care of yourself – mind, body and soul – has both an immediate effect and a longer term impact.  In the doing of it – whatever “it” is for you --, you feel relaxed, energized, restored, rejuvenated.  If only our brains would remind us of this when we’re tempted to put off the me-time yet again!

When self-care is a non-negotiable part of your day/week/month, you are able to face the inevitable challenges and uncertainties of life with greater ease and resourcefulness.  You’re able to be present with what is, rather than overwhelmed by it.

Let’s hear from you.  How much do you prioritize self-care in your life?  What does self-care look like for you?  How do you know when your fuel tank is running low?